Posted on February 8, 2010 by Marcella
#5 step to freedom from a secret relationship:
Break your silence and the secret. First, find a counselor whom you can trust and tell them about your relationship. Tell a trusted friend or your family. If you can, and when you can, tell all the people you trust. Refuse to be a secret.
Why is breaking your silence about your secret relationship a step to freedom? Besides possibly making your secret partner angry and he might dump you, there are all kinds of reasons. The first and the most important reason is that you have been the secret and that is not fair to you. You have been covered up, denied, hidden and that is worse than wearing a burqa. It is hard to feel that you are made in the image and likeness of God, are equal, worthy of respect, and have any dignity if you must hide the fact that you exists. You may feel uncomfortable about what you are doing, but coming clean does wonders for the soul. What could be more liberating than coming out of the shadow of the veil? When you tell others about your relationship, you will also be able to get valuable feedback, reality checks, and real support.
Visit my other blog and websites:
The Apostles Wives Club Website
Marcieart Website Marcieart Blog
Marcieart.imagekind
Papermaidens.etsy
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Posted on February 4, 2010 by Marcella
Lucky Lady Coco #1 of 10 original hand painted doll 13 1/4" tall
Recently I started making art dolls. So what are they and what do they have to do with The Apostles Wives Club? Art dolls are expressions of what the doll maker what to say. I am interested in art dolls as way to tell a story, express our dreams, our hopes, and our desires. They remind us that all that we see in them resides in us and that we have the ability to accomplish the things that we hope to accomplish for us. They are a way to express ourselves without the written word. I have suggested on this blog that making bowls can be very therapeutic and so can making dolls. Even if you make a very simple one, is a great way to express yourself.
One day I hope to make a special series of Apostles’ Wives, but I the first doll I made was a Good Luck Doll and that started me on a series of Lady Luck Dolls. I felt I needed to learn about luck my luck and my dreams in that area of my beliefs. If you would like to see them have posted them on my blog Marcieart and my website Marcieart. You will also find other links and a some books on doll making there too.
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Posted on February 3, 2010 by Marcella
#4 step to breaking free: Turn you life over to the care of God or a higher power and trust that He/this power can change your life.
What does this mean? How does anyone turn their life over to God? This step is the hardest. I know because I have gone through some really tough times where I felt I had turned my life over to complete sorrow, depression, and giving up. I thought that I was in control and I had to solve everything. The more I tried to control the worse I felt and the worse things got.
I learned that turning my life over to God was a decision and I had to make that decision over and over again. I had to give it all to Him, my worries , my unhappiness, my need to control and my powerlessness. Each time I found myself involved in controlling or worrying etc. I had to actually say, “God I give this to your care.” Sometimes I did this hundreds of times in an hour, but eventually I was able to let go and trust.
There are all kinds of twelve step and support programs for everything from alcoholic recovery, recovery from codependence, drug addiction, overeating, sex additions, and even domestic violence. However, when people get involved in secret relationships they step into isolation. Women in secret relationships with priests have no code of behavior, rules of etiquette, or inkling of how to maneuver through a relationship that shouldn’t exist. leaving might feel like further isolation. The best way heal, recover, or get through grief is allowing God to do it for you. He also does it when we share with others. What will be the future of women in secret relationships if we all stay hidden in our own little closets.
Visit my other blog and websites:
Marcieart Website
Marcieart Blog
The Apostles Wives Club Website
Marcieart.imagekind
Papermaidens.etsy
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Posted on February 1, 2010 by Marcella
# 3 Step to breaking free:
Be willing to accept the fact that the only person you are here to save and the only one you have control over is yourself.
It is your responsibility to take care of yourself, and that means physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It is my suspicion that many women who become caretakers of other often don’t see that they have an obligation first to take care of themselves before they can really give to anyone else. They think they can sacrifice their own needs because they learned especially in the context of their religion that others come first. Isn’t that the Christian thing to do?
You can only care another if you are fist well and strong and know how to care for yourself. You cannot offer yourself up as a sacrifice to another so that they can mistreat you, use you, or take advantage of you. That is not the Christian ideal. You are just precious and God created you for Himself not for the use of another.
You cannot control how others treat you, but you can control how you treat yourself.
Visit my other blog and websites:
The Apostles Wives Club Website
Marcieart Website
Marcieart Blog
Marcieart.imagekind
Papermaidens.etsy
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Posted on January 27, 2010 by Marcella
#2 step to breaking free:
Be ready to reject magical thinking. You are not sent by God to take care of this man. It is not a special relationship and you are not on a special mission to save him.
I hear from almost every woman involved with a priest that there is a special feeling and a belief that God had a hand in this. Some feel that the person was sent into their life by God and they were meant to be together. This kind of thinking sets a person up for real suffering because secret and or forbidden relationships with people who are not free and have made vows to another or to God are never God’s plan for anyone.
Visit my other blog and websites:
Marcieart Website
Marcieart Blog
The Apostles Wives Club Website
Marcieart.imagekind
Papermaidens.etsy
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Posted on January 25, 2010 by Marcella
Maybe you have noticed the page Breaking Free at the top of this blog where I listed the steps to help you out of your secret to a life of freedom? Over the next few days I hope to elaborate on them a bit more.
Admit to yourself that you are in a relationship that is not right, not going anywhere, and of which you have no control and that the situation is unmanageable.
Hard to do, isn’t is? No one wants to admit that their relationship isn’t wonderful even when it is troubled, most people have the tendency to make excuses and we go into denial at the thought that something could be wrong. I have sure come up against strong denial with readers here when I spoke up and said that secret relationships with a priests are wrong.
YOu can’t move forward if you don’t know where you are. If you are not sure where you are, ask yourself these three questions:
1. Why is my relationship conducted in secret?
2. Where is it going?
3. Who has control of the relationship?
Visit my other blog and websites:
Marcieart Website
Marcieart Blog
The Apostles Wives Club Website
Marcieart.imagekind
Papermaidens.etsy
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Posted on January 21, 2010 by Marcella
It is still in progress, but getting there. Please visit The Apostles Wives Club website. Some time in February this blog will close as I switch over completely to my new website. Hope to see you there.
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Posted on January 21, 2010 by Marcella
The Apostle’s Wives Club will be moving to a new home.
In December I wrote here that I felt I was at a cross roads in working on this blog and I decided that I needed to go in a new direction. Over the past year and a half of working with this blog, researching, reading, writing, and praying I talked about many aspects of the dilemma of married priest and the women who marry them or are involved with them. I implored people to tell their stories. As I wrote and listened, it became clear to me that there were too many secrets involved in these relationship and that secret relationships have deep and lasting consequences. I felt called to came out more strongly against these secret relationships and offer what I felt was a new way for these women. I feel I was right to do so and that this is where my journey has led me.
People gain so much hope when they know they are not experiencing something alone.
Joyce Rupp
Now,I feel I have completed my work here in the blog formate. However, as I said before, I do want to leave up a site up for women who are involved in secret relationships searching for help. Currently I am working on a new website that should be up shortly and I will post the new address here in a few days. Thank you for your support, and patience.
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Posted on January 15, 2010 by Marcella
It seems in our world today, we have lost the concept of wrong doing. To tell someone their actions are wrong has become a dangerous thing to do. However, we can’t change our actions if we are afraid to recognize them for what they are.
How do we know when we are doing wrong? How do we know that a secret relationship is wrong? I have had people tell me that they know that their affair is right because it feels good or it feels right. Feelings by themselves are a very poor and immature way to judge behavior. Feelings should be balanced with reason and logic too. Even in this we will be lacking judgment if we don’t have a real relationship with God. When we have a real relationship with God it is harder to fool ourselves into thinking that wrong is right even if it does feel good. A secret relationship would never need to be hidden or secret, if it was the right thing to do.
# 10 reason not to date a priest or a married man is because it is wrong.
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Posted on January 14, 2010 by Marcella
I received the following comment from a reader named Jackie on 2009/12/29 at 8:02am:
I recently confronted a priest about an affair that I thought he may have had with my mother. My concerns were right and he admitted the affair without hesitation, he did however try to justify it by saying it wasn’t his fault if people in difficulty came to him for counsel!!! I didn’t go to judge or lay blame, my mother is dead twenty years now, but the legacy of the affair has lived with me since I was twelve years old. My feeling is that he totally took advantage of the situation in our home at that time, I also feel that he had a huge part to play in my parent’s separation but more than anything I spent years despising the church and all it represented. The hurt he must have caused my mother, father and siblings is without question a sin. It was only as a result of an illness myself that I found a god of love. I now have a good level spirituality and although I now pray for the priest in question, I know he has had affairs throughout his priesthood and I find it difficult to comprehend why he continues to serve god in the way he currently does. Is it simply because if he left the clergy, he’d have to give up his large parochial house and 09 car? ?
The following story is only one of so many sad stories about the effects of affairs on children:
A Mother, a Sick Son and His Father, the Priest http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/16/us/16priest.html?_r=1http://theapostleswivesclub.com/2009/11/12/november-12-at-900-pm-cst-about-pat-bond-and-her-son-nate/
Sadly when it comes to infidelity in marriages the effects, even though devastating to our society, have become so common place that we tend to dismiss it. It is so unfair to children to force them to become recipients of our secrets. The harm you suffer in a secret affair is the harm they will suffer and many times so much more.
#9 reason not to date a priest or a married man is that the secret relationship in never just about you or him. It involved so many more innocent bystanders.
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